I’m so bored at work… only 50 mins to go
Funny how I post how strong my marriage is and then a few posts later I post how I have a crush on someone other than my wife. FYI, our marriage is still strong, just seem to have developed a crush on someone I only talk to online. Crushes are innocent and I may never meet this person irl, so not really harmful.
Is it wrong to be married but have a crush on someone other than my wife?
One of my coworkers always has to say something about something. I swear he hardly ever stops talking. It is so annoying.
Lately, I have been reflecting a lot on the past year. It has been interesting to say the least. I never thought how much things can change in a year. In less than a month I will have been on hormones for a year. Physical changes have been slow, minus breast growth. But I still see glimpses of the woman I am. Now that my estrogen doses have been increased, I hope more changes happen faster.
I do have to say the biggest change of the year is my relationships with my friends. All for the better. At first they struggled with the pronouns, but now they are constant with using the correct pronouns. One of best best friends whom I work with told me yesterday that anytime she has to refer to me at work she struggles to not use female pronouns. She says it just sounds and feels wrong to refer to me as he/him. She can’t wait until I get a new job where I can be fully out so she never has to refer to me as male ever again. All my friends now call me Bibi instead of my birth name. They all say it is more fitting for me. I have been so blessed with such an amazing, supportive and accepting group of friends.
Another big change has been my personality. I used to be such a shy quiet person. Now that I’m more comfortable with who I am, I am more outgoing. I talk more and smile more. That is one thing most people notice is how much I smile now. Even looking at pictures of myself, I always have a big bright smile. I still get depressed now and then. I still get bursts of dysphoria. But neither hang on for long. My inner light always finds a way to shine through.
Also this past year, my marriage has gotten stronger. It had it’s rocky moments, but after my wife almost died, we reignited our love for each other. It also helps that I’m happier now. My wife loves that I’m a bit more level now emotionally and that I’m happier. We laugh so much more now and are enjoying life, even with the stress of our never ending debt. We’ve learned to cut back and live simpler, which has improved our life. Simpler is better.
I have made many new amazing friends on tumblr. Knowing there are other people going through what I am and others that just genuinely care is so comforting.
I can’t wait to see what next year will bring. Hopefully I can start writing my book and maybe just maybe lose some weight and be in shape for the spartan race next summer.
Dear dysphoria, I really don’t need your shit today. Please go away.